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The Shallows is just in time for Shark Week on the Discover Channel and it reminds us all of why big bodies of water are terrifying

The death of the toddler at Disney World this week was a terrible tragedy. It also reaffirmed to me my fear of big bodies of water. To be honest, I blame my mom. I know that she meant well, but as a foreigner (she's Japanese) in America in 1977, she wanted to take her son (me) who was very young to see a movie that everyone said was really good. That movie was "Jaws" and to this day I remember those teeth chomping into the captain of the ship and a fountain of blood spraying from his mouth. It was terrifying.

Now another Shark Week is almost upon us (hint: it starts Sunday the 26th). Of course I'm going to watch it. Of course I'm going to be terrified by what I see. And when it's over, I'll just shake my head and say again, "I'm never going into the ocean." I'm 44 years old and I've lived up to that promise. One doesn't just wade into the ocean and not expect to get eaten. And with my high body fat percentage, I think i'd just look like a piece of raw bacon floating in the surf.

My friend Brad thinks that the ocean is pretty safe and defends it by saying, "How many people go swimming at the beach compared to how many people actually get attacked by sharks?" True, the number is low. And he even brings up that driving in traffic is far more dangerous than swimming in open water. However, I also countered with this whole idea that I've had for years that a lot of "drownings" are actually shark attacks but no one wants to say that because it harms tourism.

And now (just in time for Shark Week) there's also this movie called, "The Shallows." My friend Brad wants to go see it so I guess I will. But the trailer is totally a reminder of why smart people don't go into big bodies of murky water. Watch the trailer at your own peril. It's quite scary. Here's hoping that you have an excellent Father's Day and don't get eaten by an alligator or a shark. That's the kind of friend I am to you. I'm probably the only one you know who legitimately hopes that you don't get eaten this weekend.

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